It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
