Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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