Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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