just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
