I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
