What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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