My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
