Apparently you make a good broom.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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