Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
