I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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