Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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