No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's always time for handjobs
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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