Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
