Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize