Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
