TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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