In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
