Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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