so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
