She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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