just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
