I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
