my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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