why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
