come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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