girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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