if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
