Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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