I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
