Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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