I murdered the dance floor call the cops
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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