shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
