I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize