My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
