So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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