i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
