How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
