Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
