You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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