I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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