Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
