yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
