I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
