Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i think i just lost a toe
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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