My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
