Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
