the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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