I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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