I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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