i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
