Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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