Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
