just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
