OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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