My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
