I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
