How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
