Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
