i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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