I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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