then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
