One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
