Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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