I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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