i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
