There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
