Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
