I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
