why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
