Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
