Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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