I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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