She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
