i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
