We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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