i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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