I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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