just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
