im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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