i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
