I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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