I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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