on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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