Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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