i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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