So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
