It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
