I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
nutella sex= disaster
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
