I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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