My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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