I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
