Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize