Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
