Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
