holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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