"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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