i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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