I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
