you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
