you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You are the jesus of drinking
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
